Things Not to Say to Someone With Chronic Fatigue

Here is a convenient list if you know someone who has chronic fatigue or a similar issue (adrenal fatigue, fibro, etc.)

1. "I get tired a lot too."

The reason chronic fatigue exists as a term stems from the medical diagnosis of prolonged fatigue that is not alleviated by rest. You may get tired a lot, but a person with chronic fatigue gets tired often and no amount of sleep or rest makes it any better. So, no you don't feel like we do. We also have other symptoms that accompany the fatigue: ringing in the ears, heart palpitations, muscle weakness, trouble thinking clearly, and other symptoms we probably haven't mentioned.

2. "You look healthy."

Now if you're just saying this as a compliment, fine. But if you say this after someone tells you "I have a chronic illness," then you really don't understand. Many people with chronic illnesses are thin because they have digestive issues and possibly hormone issues that keep them from keeping weight on. Many people appear to be perfectly fine on the outside but that doesn't mean they don't have a years-long medical problem that haunts them to this day.

3. "You seem okay right now, are you sure you're sick?"

Yes, you see us right now because we usually can tell when a fatigue or symptomatic episode is going to happen (since most of us have had these problems for years) and we decided to go out. If we know we are going to feel badly, we stay home. Most of us stay home a lot. Some of us have normal energy for part of the day, and that's when you see us.

4. "You should try this remedy I read about on the internet!"

There's a reason it's called "chronic" fatigue. It's not an acute case, we've had it a while. After months and years of only half-living our lives, we have tried everything we can imagine to get better. We also have to beware of quack-cures that might actually make us worse because our health is more fragile than other people's. So, by all means, feel free to tell us about something you read, but do not be offended if we don't do whatever that thing is. Most of us have researched our condition because once you get a diagnosis, that's where it ends for most doctors -- they don't have a treatment. We have to become our own care givers. This is why I became a health coach.

5. "Maybe it's because you're depressed?"

Depression is a real thing and it can affect your health negatively. But most of us live with depression because we have chronic fatigue, not the other way around. Don't assume that it's a simple cause and effect and if we could just "get happy" we'd be cured. I've learned to be as happy as I can with my condition, but years of barely getting by and not being able to do things you dream about are very demoralizing.

6. "You should go to this special doctor I know about!"

People with chronic fatigue spend almost all of their spare money on some kind of health care. We are either going through some kind of treatment, or we are visiting doctors and getting lots of tests to identify a new treatment. Since Western allopathic medicine has very few options for treatment, we are forced to go outside the standard medical system, and that means outside of insurance. So we spend most of our disposable income on treatments. We probably don't have the money to go to your doctor and most likely we are in the middle of some treatment already that we can't just drop and change. Most treatments and plans for this take months. Feel free to suggest someone, but once again, don't be offended if we say no.

7. "You're just lazy and like to sleep a lot."

Fine. I understand if you think this. From a "normal" person's view, I can see how it looks this way. I spend a lot of time watching Netflix and playing video games because I simply don't have the energy to get up and do things I want. Also my house is usually messy because I have to reserve and manage my energy very carefully. I have to save my energy for work and shopping and cooking, and after that if I have any left then it goes to cleaning or other things. I also do sauna and Qi Gong and things for my health. Many times I plan to do a lot in a day, but only end up doing one thing. Then I wander over to the recliner and rest there for a few hours, because it's simply all that I can do.

8. "I don't think there's anything wrong with you."

You can believe anything you want, but I can tell you, those of us with chronic fatigue don't have time for people like you in our lives. We need friends that believe and support us, we simply don't have spare energy to convince someone who is negative. You don't believe us, fine, there's the door.